rechargeable batteries

Since Jackson moved back to Rhode Island I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Internet. I’ve read my friends’ blogs, family’s blogs, strangers’ blogs and reread old posts I’ve written. I considered starting a new blog to create a fresh space to ramble but, alas, there are only so many URLs in this world and I don’t need to hog yet another on a half-abandoned blog.
I’ve really been enjoying all the blogs I’ve been reading recently. It always impresses me how articulate people can be; some have impeccable writing styles. A lot of people seem to be focusing on self-improvement recently, and that’s a band wagon I’m dying to jump on. The past week has been a slow move to 44 Hillside, now my room holds a few boxes, some furniture and my computer. All of this will make the move this evening, at which point I’ll resort through all the things I just sorted through. I have mixed feelings on moving: I hate packing things up, leaving a space, leaving roommates, and physically relocating all of my crap. However, I love unpacking my things in a new space, with new roommates, and the opportunity to sift through my things and be reminded of past memories and be able to weed out some things I just don’t need any more.

The weeding out process can be liberating- reminding myself not to be bogged down by things that just don’t matter. I can’t help wishing I could apply this to my head as well. I’d love to sit in a room with all of my thoughts and get rid of the self-deprecating, mean spirited and just all-over negative ones. They seem to be taking over recently, although a quick peek through old entries remind me these feelings are nothing new. I’ve been making a fool of myself the past five years, and it’s all catching up to me. I think the worst part is the holes in my memory, things that I don’t remember what happened. It’s a combination between blocking bad memories out and selfishness, but the lack of information makes me feel even more unsure and upset. I keep bitching about all these regrets, knowing there’s nothing I can do about the past. So, time to let them go and to recharge my batteries and start becoming more of the person I want to be.

One day at a time.